Which Pill Will Cure Me?

When I was younger I believed that for every ailment there was a pill to cure it. If I had a cough I would see a doctor and they would give me antibiotics, if I was struggling with my hormonal cycle they would give me a new contraceptive pill to try, and so this went on. This was all good and fine until my doctors couldn’t figure out what pill to give me. This first occurred when I was 18 and had my first outbreak of a rash called Erythema Multiforme. My regular doctor couldn’t figure out what it was, so I had to wait and see when it would resolve itself.

The trouble here was that it wasn’t resolving itself. The only solution I could think of was to see another doctor, and then another doctor, until finally one opened a medical textbook, pointed to the rash and said that is what it is. I was given an anti-viral and sent on my way. Problem solved.

Around the same time, I would visit my doctor because of sleeping issues. I couldn’t wake up in morning and I was tired all of the time. This wasn’t unusual for me, but it wasn’t until I started working full-time jobs when this became a problem. I was prescribed sleeping tablets and again sent on my way. But this time, they didn’t work.

They didn’t help me get to sleep at night they only made me sleep longer in the mornings. I felt so confused. I had a problem, but why wasn’t the pill fixing me? I saw different doctors on and off for years about my sleep until finally one of them suggested anti-depressants.

I was told they may even help with some of the bladder issues I was experiencing at the time and if it was depression causing my sleeping issues then that would help it. So off to a Psychiatrist I went, hopeful that this could be the cure I was searching for. While the Psychiatrist said I was fine, he gave me anti-depressants anyway and I was told it may take a few months to work. The first night I took them I hallucinated.

Over the next few weeks, I stopped sleeping almost completely and barely ate. I spoke to different doctors about what was happening, and they kept saying that it would settle down soon. I lost any spark I once had, and I felt like my whole body was made out of cement. Even looking someone in the eye felt exhausting. I would still be awake at 11 am in the morning, and I would have random crying spells. This was the first time I stopped taking a pill against doctor’s recommendations.

From here I had to rebuild my life and it wasn’t easy. After I stopped taking the anti-depressants I gained weight again but a little too much and my sleeping pattern was completely ruined. But the fog was finally uplifting from the drugs and I started to feel like the old me again. I even liked music again! I wish I could say that even after this it clicked that there may not be a pill for everything, but it didn’t.

For the next year or so I still kept seeing doctors for my sleep, fatigue, bladder issues, digestion issues, hormonal issues, weight, moods and more. This went on until I was 22 and found myself with a pill pox. I was taking almost 10 different recommended tablets and I wasn’t feeling better. This was finally when it all clicked.

I finally realised that there was no pill that was going to be as powerful as lifestyle changes. A pill wasn’t going to make me exercise, to make me nourish myself with more positive thoughts, to cut negative people out of my life, or make me take up home cooking. There wasn’t a pill that was going to help my sleep as much as seeing a sleep specialist would or help me understand the hard parts of my life as much as a Psychologist would.

So why did I believe that there was a pill for everything? And am I the only one that has gone through this? In my experience, there is rarely anything that will “cure” something overnight. Small but regular changes are the ones that count and make the biggest impact over time. So, when answering the question, what pill will cure me, I now say “me, I will cure me”.